Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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