the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
