those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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