Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
