Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am puke
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
