A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So vagazzling was a success
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
