Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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