In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
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I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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