Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
