So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
