and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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