dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
