I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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