I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
