btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
