am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
