I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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