I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
