she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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