Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
