kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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