Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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