That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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