a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
