i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
