To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
