Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
