very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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