how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
