Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
