New invention idea: vibrating tampons
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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