i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
