The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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