i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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