Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
