Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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