i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
