What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
