well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize