Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
