Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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