This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
