it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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