ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dicks are not precious.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
