I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
