She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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