P.S. I can't hear my feet
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?