Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.