i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.