Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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