All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Drunk is not a location!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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