She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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