And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
