the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
