That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
