haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
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We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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