I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
