I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
