Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
and you fell through a lawn chair
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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