sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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