WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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