i jhust puked up my retainher.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
