Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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