look no pants
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
