I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
