Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
