i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Randomize
