im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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