bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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