you have to choose: penises or morals?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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