He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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