I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
