Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
